Fox News– Knock knock. Who’s there? A swan.
The residents of a town in England have been dealing with a confusing nuisance involving a swan that seemingly likes to knock on doors. Unfortunately for homeowners, it apparently will knock on a single door for up to three hours.
The phenomenon has been going on for five years in Northampton, East Midlands, South West News Service (SWNS) reports. According to the news outlet, no one is sure why the bird is behaving this way.
“The swan has been there for seven or eight years with its mate,” homeowner Stephen Legg told the outlet. “Around this time of year five years ago the male swan started messing around my front door. It rattles the letterbox with its beak and stands in front of the glass.”
“He starts by rattling the letterbox then bashes the metal with its beak quite loudly. The racket reverberates through the whole house,” Legg alleged. “It doesn’t do any damage, but it’s extremely irritating. Sometimes it does it for three hours at a time, other times only once or twice.”
First things first, this swan has been on this crusade for 5 whole years and this story is just now crossing my desk??? Classic Fake News Media hiding the important stories from the masses. Now there’s a lot to unpack in this story. What’s this swan’s game? How has no one in this neighborhood done anything in 5 years? Are mailboxes that expensive in England that you can’t just buy one and put an end to it. There’s not one hothead in the neighborhood who’s tried to fight this swan? I’m no expert on bird law but I’m pretty sure swans are birds of honor and if you challenge one to a loser leave town duel they’d have no choice but to accept.
But let’s get back to what’s driving this swan’s antics. I’ve seen enough movies to know that when something mysterious like this is going on, you should never rule out this neighborhood being built on an ancient burial ground/swan mass grave. But that’s exactly what I’m going to do as if this swan was fueled with avenging it’s dead ancestors it would surely be causing a bigger ruckus.
Which brings us to the most likely explanation; the swan is just a comedian. He could be waiting for someone to finally open the door to hit them with the best knock knock joke from the gaggle. Or he just simply knows what’s funny. Remember the thrill of ding dong ditching as a kid? Now imagine doing that for 3 hours while the homeowners do absolutely nothing. The psychological horror you’re inflicting on your victims when they hear that 1st knock and don’t know if they’ve endured the worst of the storm or if they’re gonna be subjected to another few hours of taunting from this swan. Not only is that funny but it’s the commitment to a bit that separates the good from the great. How does this swan not have a Netflix special yet? Honestly give this swan the Mark Twain Award the next time that’s given out. Or at the very least strap a go pro to his head and upload that shit to Youtube so Al Gore’s Internet can finally have it’s first decent prank show.
District of Clowns 