Author: JP Newsman

Cancel Culture Comes for Hank the Tank

NYT- Since the summer, a black bear known as Hank the Tank has made a 500-pound nuisance of himself in South Lake Tahoe, Calif., breaking into more than two dozen homes to rummage for food and leaving a trail of damage behind.

So far, nobody has been able to deter Hank, said Peter Tira, a spokesman for the California Department of Fish and Wildlife. Department officials and the local police have tried to “haze” the bear with paintballs, bean bags, sirens and Tasers, but he is too drawn to humans and their food to stay away for long.

“It’s easier to find leftover pizza than to go in the forest,” Mr. Tira said on Sunday.

Residents have called the police about Hank more than 100 times since July as he continues to rampage through Tahoe Keys, a gated community about 190 miles northeast of San Francisco.

Now the authorities are trying to trap Hank and possibly euthanize him.

Over the last couple years we’ve seen cancel culture come for celebrities, comedians, and criminals alike. But now this disease on our country is now coming for one of the pedestals of American exceptionalism, Hank the Tank. I mean how can you look at this large lad and tell me he should cancelled:

#King

Humans made him this way. They left out their garbage and now they want to treat Hank like some, for the simple crime of not letting their food go to waste (+ a few light B&Es).

Today’s wokesters (jokesters that are woke) are all about body positivity & inclusiveness when it suits their narrative but once a 500 pound bear comes through their door and eats their dinner all of a sudden it’s a problem. Disgusting.

Plus you gotta wonder if these gated community Californians would’ve called the cops if it was a polar bear breaking into their homes instead of a black bear.

But it’s no shock that in today’s America, local law enforcement is once again looking to euthanize a non-violent offender of color before giving him a trial by peers. And what is death but a cancellation. The ultimate cancellation. God’s cancellation if you will.

But this story just goes to show how little imagination these bureaucrats have now. They go straight to killing instead of doing the right thing…..squeezing all the money out of the situation as possible…the American way.

They should be selling Hank the Tank merch by the truckload or strapping a Go-Pro to his head and charging $5/person to watch a Hank live-stream. Hell I’d even watch a “Biggest Loser” type show where they get Hank back down to Hibernation season weight.

You’d make enough money to cover the food cost, whatever property damage and then some. I’m sure the state would even make enough to put some money into education or public services military grade equipment.

Let’s all hope the California Department of Fish and Wildlife doesn’t follow through on its’ threat to the life of Hank the Tank. He is the true embodiment of an American; overweight with an addiction problem, trouble sleeping, & the target of state sponsored violence. I fear a 500 pond bear sized hole in our hearts could be the final straw in breaking this country once and for all.

Swan in England Terrorizing Local Homes

Fox News– Knock knock. Who’s there? A swan.

The residents of a town in England have been dealing with a confusing nuisance involving a swan that seemingly likes to knock on doors. Unfortunately for homeowners, it apparently will knock on a single door for up to three hours.

The phenomenon has been going on for five years in Northampton, East Midlands, South West News Service (SWNS) reports. According to the news outlet, no one is sure why the bird is behaving this way.

“The swan has been there for seven or eight years with its mate,”  homeowner Stephen Legg told the outlet. “Around this time of year five years ago the male swan started messing around my front door. It rattles the letterbox with its beak and stands in front of the glass.”

“He starts by rattling the letterbox then bashes the metal with its beak quite loudly. The racket reverberates through the whole house,” Legg alleged. “It doesn’t do any damage, but it’s extremely irritating. Sometimes it does it for three hours at a time, other times only once or twice.”

First things first, this swan has been on this crusade for 5 whole years and this story is just now crossing my desk??? Classic Fake News Media hiding the important stories from the masses. Now there’s a lot to unpack in this story. What’s this swan’s game? How has no one in this neighborhood done anything in 5 years? Are mailboxes that expensive in England that you can’t just buy one and put an end to it. There’s not one hothead in the neighborhood who’s tried to fight this swan? I’m no expert on bird law but I’m pretty sure swans are birds of honor and if you challenge one to a loser leave town duel they’d have no choice but to accept.

But let’s get back to what’s driving this swan’s antics. I’ve seen enough movies to know that when something mysterious like this is going on, you should never rule out this neighborhood being built on an ancient burial ground/swan mass grave. But that’s exactly what I’m going to do as if this swan was fueled with avenging it’s dead ancestors it would surely be causing a bigger ruckus.

Which brings us to the most likely explanation; the swan is just a comedian. He could be waiting for someone to finally open the door to hit them with the best knock knock joke from the gaggle. Or he just simply knows what’s funny. Remember the thrill of ding dong ditching as a kid? Now imagine doing that for 3 hours while the homeowners do absolutely nothing. The psychological horror you’re inflicting on your victims when they hear that 1st knock and don’t know if they’ve endured the worst of the storm or if they’re gonna be subjected to another few hours of taunting from this swan. Not only is that funny but it’s the commitment to a bit that separates the good from the great. How does this swan not have a Netflix special yet? Honestly give this swan the Mark Twain Award the next time that’s given out. Or at the very least strap a go pro to his head and upload that shit to Youtube so Al Gore’s Internet can finally have it’s first decent prank show.

Wireless Electricity: Egyptian Pyramids & Nikola Tesla

This blog will dive into one of my favorite conspiracies, that the Egyptian Pyramids conducted electricity. The Pyramids are the one of the Ancient Wonders of the World and can easily be considered the most incredible things ever built by humans. The Great Pyramid is over 450 feet tall, weighing over 6 million tons, built by 2.3 million stones. It is so old that Julius Caesar and Cleopatra lived closer in time to the creation of the iPhone than the Giza Pyramids. Just think about that for a second.

You go outside today and people can’t merge on a road or wear a simple cloth mask properly yet 5,000 years ago the same species built pyramids that were the tallest monument on the planet for 3,800 years. Oh and all 2 million blocks are place perfectly so that it’s also aligned to true North.

Now let’s dive into the connections between the Pyramids, Nikola Tesla, & his theory of wireless electricity. If reading isn’t you thing skip to the bottom for the same info in video form.

If you’ve ever been baked watching the History channel you’ve probably heard some theories surrounding the Pyramids. Aliens being the architect is the most common theory but it doesn’t have the scientific backing that the electric generating theory does. This is where Nikola Tesla comes into play.

Tesla was maybe the smartest human to ever live. Most famous the AC induction motor, he is also credited for inventing the Tesla Coil, X-rays, & the Radio (after his death, a judge ruled Marconi ripped off Tesla’s patents). Tesla also predicted phone calls, remote controls, wifi, & video calls.

Tesla believed that he could transmit electricity wirelessly through the Earth and/or atmosphere.

  • Wireless Energy
    • Tesla recognized vibrations and electricity that come from the Earth itself
    • He believed he could transmit electricity through the Earth itself (& Air @ high altitudes)
    • He thought he could use the natural currents in the Earth (telluric currents) & the atmosphere (ionosphere)
    • “Power can be, and at no distant date will be, transmitted without wires, for all commercial uses, such as the lighting of homes and the driving of aeroplanes. I have discovered the essential principles, and it only remains to develop them commercially. When this is done, you will be able to go anywhere in the world — to the mountain top overlooking your farm, to the arctic, or to the desert — and set up a little equipment that will give you heat to cook with, and light to read by. This equipment will be carried in a satchel not as big as the ordinary suitcase. In years to come wireless lights will be as common on the farms as ordinary electric lights are nowadays in our cities.” (Nikola Tesla, The American Magazine, April 1921)
    • In his Colorado Springs Lab, he produced artificial lightning, with discharges consisting of millions of volts and up to 135 feet long. People walking along the street observed sparks jumping between their feet and the ground. Sparks sprang from water line taps when touched. Light bulbs within 100 feet (30 m) of the lab glowed even when turned off. Horses in a livery stable bolted from their stalls after receiving shocks through their metal shoes. Butterflies were electrified, swirling in circles with blue halos around their wings.
Picture of Light-bulb in ground outside Tesla’s Lab

Check out the show Tesla Files on History Channel, Hulu, & Prime where they not only go into much more detail about Tesla but also test some of this theories. In the video below they use a Tesla Coil to light a light bulb without any wires. In a later episode they use the same technology to power a toy boat.

While we still don’t know how the Pyramids were built, we know now that they were built in a way that could focus electricity through it’s shape and materials. It also fits the conditions that one of the world’s greatest minds thought was necessary to transmit electricity wireless. If you’re still not convinced, get higher and do some more research. I don’t know if the Pyramids actually conducted electricity but I choose to live in a world where that’s it’s true.

Russian Bounty-Gate: More American Imperialism or Another “Orange Man Bad” Story?

There’s been massive outrage in recent days over the story that allegedly Russia has been offering money to the Taliban for killing Americans in Afghanistan. Now this story is by no means confirmed but as a journalist I am obligated to mindlessly parrot whatever the intelligence community says so let’s treat this as fact.

This whole saga has exposed how stupid/naive I am as my first reaction was “Is it really newsworthy that the Taliban is being incentivized to do something they’ve already been doing for 20 years??” But then I heard the chorus of Twitter mob and Democrats yelling “What about the troops?!?”. I couldn’t believe I had forgotten about politicians’ favorite political props! “This might be the thing the finally brings the troops home after almost 2 decades in Afghanistan” I thought. But again I was proven a fool. The true purpose of this story seems to be to provide the 10,484th example of why Donald Trump is unfit to be President. *This* will finally be the thing to take him down according to the brain trust on Twitter and cable news. They were getting way more retweets/air time than me so they must be right.

After being proven wrong so many times, I was confused. Then suddenly it became clearer than ever before. The same people who claim they wanted to pull the troops out of the Middle East were now calling for retaliation. It hit me….these people don’t give a shit about the troops or the war. They’re bad faith actors who just wanna harp on another “orange man bad” storyline. All the questions asked by the “authorities” were “What did Trump know? What did he do about it? How’s he gonna respond?”

Even though most Americans want to bring our troops home, questions like “Why are troops still there? Why continue to spends tens of billions there? Has the TRILLION dollars we’ve spent there over the last 19 years been worth it?” are for some reason never asked.

Only 2 explanations seem to make sense, either these people are so blinded by Trump their brains, physically can’t think about anything beyond “orange man bad” or they’re cool with American imperialism….or both.

Just imagine if that trillion dollars was spent to repair the country’s infrastructure while giving Americans good paying jobs? Or if that money was spent to make public colleges tuition free and provide universal pre-k? Or if that money was given to schools with low budgets. Or…..imagine if that money was given to the VA so that the troops that these politicians give so much lip service to could actually get the help they need when they came back.

But alas that money must be spent on a 2 decades long war with no end in sight because of “security and stability concerns”. Because if we’ve learned anything from recent history…it’s that U.S troops are safe in the Middle East and the U.S has provided the region with nothing but stability.

Establishment Backed Amy McGrath Hangs On in KY Primary

After a 1 year head-start which gave her a 50 point lead, $40 million dollars, and outspending her opponents 40/1, Amy McGrath, Chuck Schumer and the DSCC’s pick has won the Kentucky Senate primary over insurgent candidate Charles Booker. Booker overwhelmingly won day-of voting but McGrath banked a large enough lead on mail-in ballots that she was able to hang on.

Even though she lost her bid for the House in 2018, McGrath was recruited by Schumer to run for the Senate for 1 main reason, she can raise a shit ton of money from coastal elites. She cuts a good viral ad touting her past as a pilot in the Marines and going after Mitch McConnell which means every person with #resist in their bio will empty their bank account.

The start to her campaign went as well as you’d expect for a Dem establishment candidate. She painted herself as more pro-Trump than McConnell, said she would’ve voted for Kavanaugh…..then back tracked on that immediately when she say the reaction. But mainstream Ds stuck by her because money>substance.

Charles Booker, state Representative, ran an strong progressive campaign around Medicare-For-All, Green New Deal, universal basic income, criminal justice/gun reform, etc. He had support from the people on the ground but really only took off after the nationwide police brutality protests. Meanwhile McGrath fumbled over questions about why she wasn’t at the protests:

Even though McGrath hung on to win, this race shows how stupid it is for the national parties to get involved in primaries. Instead of sitting on your D.C ivory tower thinking you know more than everyday people, how about you let the people decide who is or is not “electable”. Without the support of the Dem establishment, there’s no chance McGrath wins this race. Now neither McGrath nor Booker stands a good chance to beat Mitch McConnell in November but only the geniuses in D.C. would rather run a Republican-lite, pro-Trump democrat instead who almost pissed away a 50 point/40 million dollar lead over the person who built a working class movement.

Now I’m sure all the losers on Twitter will be in my mentions saying “she won, she’s the more electable candidate”. They could be right…. only a truly electable candidate could outspend their opponents 40/1 and only win by 3 points.

In a Shocking Turn of Events, Eliot “I Wouldn’t Care If I Didn’t Have a Primary” Engel….Loses Primary

Eliot Engel was first elected to Congress is 1989 representing New York’s 16th district. He is a moderate/corporate Dem with hawkish foreign policy and is chair of the Foreign Affair Committee. Engel first got into trouble when he was caught lying about quarantining in the district when he was actually hiding out in Maryland. Things got worse for Engel when he was caught on a hot mic at a BLM protest asking to speak and saying “I wouldn’t care if I didn’t have a primary”:

Even after all that, millions of dark money flowed in late for attack ads against his opponent, he got endorsements from Governor Cuomo, both NY Senators, and even got Hillary Clinton’s first Congressional endorsement of the year, yet Engel still got beat bad.

Former middle school principal Jamaal Bowman ran a left wing campaign and beat Engel by 25 points on day of voting. Shocking that the guy who wouldn’t care if he didn’t have a primary, lost his primary.

In the hellish year that is 2020, we get this piece of good news. It’s always nice seeing a dinosaur politician lose, especially one, like Engel, who clearly values himself/his career over everything else. Good Riddance

ABC Sydney Asking the Hard Questions….Is Chess Racist??? The Answer Will SHOCK You

News.com.au –Former Australian chess representative John Adams has slammed the ABC for organising a radio segment discussing whether the popular board game is racist.

Professional economist Adams received a call from a Sydney-based ABC producer on Tuesday asking whether the game was racist because white always moves first.

It’s refreshing in today’s media landscape of sensationalism and bullshit, to see a media outlet do a real journalistic deep dive into topics that people actually care about or inform them of things they should care about but haven’t heard of. And that’s just what ABC Sydney radio show did by taking a deeper look at the board game known as chess.

Upon first glance I thought this story was insane….how could chess be racist? It’s a centuries old game but then again….so was racism. Then they dropped the bombshell the white pieces always move first.. Now my third eye was fully open, my head felt like it was gonna explode as my thoughts became a cascade of wokeness. Are all board games bad???

Is checkers racist too for only allowing you to move on black spaces? Is Risk just glorifying imperialism? Is monopoly just a gateway to materialism and crony capitalism? Is cribbage promoting sodomy by encouraging “pegging”. Is Connect 4 trying to indoctrinate our youth with Arabic numerals? Is Operation just training black market organ dealers? Is Hungry Hungry Hippos to blame for America’s obesity problem? And don’t even get me started on Jenga….I think you know who else brought down towers.

The proof was now irrefutable. My brain felt like it was near implosion….but I know the truth now…. I’m onto you now Hasbro….and it’s all thanks to the journalists heroes at ABC Sydney.

Democratic Party Courting George W. Bush…Because of Course They Are

Daily Beast– Bush certainly left the White House as a deeply unpopular figure, under the cloud of disastrous wars, various scandals, and a cratered economy. But his standing has improved in his years away from the political scene, including among Democratic voters. And on the few occasions he has waded back into public life, he has conveyed a more socially conscious approach to national affairs, including offering his recent support for ending systemic racism in police forces. Over time, the previously unthinkable has begun to happen, with prominent Democrats warming up to him and—now—the idea that an endorsement from him could provide an assist to the Democrats’ White House chances. 

Former Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell, a top Biden booster, said he would “welcome” the endorsement, arguing that the public embracing of a high-profile Republican could have an electoral upside in critical swing states. 

“Ninety percent of Trump’s vote is the base. And the base isn’t going to care what George Bush says,” Rendell said. “Then there’s the 10 percent of Independents, suburban Republicans that stuck with him. … The question is: what effect does a George Bush endorsement have with them? I’d say, it adds weight to the entire picture that’s growing. I don’t think there’s any blowback on our side.”

Here we have another example of how the politics today have made satire near impossible and how Trump’s election has broken people’s brains (on all sides). In the pre-2016 times if a show like SNL or VEEP had done a bit like this it wouldn’t have worked. The Democratic leadership is so out of touch that they think getting a former Republican President to endorse Joe Biden would “give them the appearance of bipartisanship and surely win over Independent and Never-Trump voters ” except for the glaring reality that them cozying up to Bush lowers their moral standing (esp. to the left), makes them look like complete hypocrites, plus the reality of Trump winning a Republican primary running an explicit anti-Bush campaign and the fact that regular people just don’t give a shit about endorsements anymore. But despite all that if Bush actually endorses Biden it will make news, because 97% of the coveted Never-Trump vote is employed by a mainstream media outlet, but how does it attract new voters? Maybe my dumb brain is missing something obvious but I just don’t get how a guy whose record includes Iraq, Guantanamo, biggest financial crisis since the Depression, Katrina, and a Torture World Tour attracts more voter than he repels. Then again this brain trust fumbled their way into losing an election to a reality TV host with the lowest favorables of any Presidential nominee in history so good ideas aren’t really their strong-suit.

Logic of the Democratic Leaderhip:

Endorsements from people who have said “offensive” things (Joe Rogan, Cenk Uygur, etc.) Bad

Endorsement from the people who have done bad things (Mike Bloomberg, George Bush, etc.) Good

Battle of the Photo-Ops: Trump/Bible vs. Dems Kneeling

This week we were given 2 of the more hilariously transparent photo-ops in recent memory. If anyone ever asks why over 40% of the country doesn’t vote, just show them these 2 images. The mind-numbing pandering put on full display shows just how out of touch both major political parties are. But enough preaching, let’s go ahead and look at today’s contestants:

President Trump Holds a Bible

I mean just look at his face, the way he’s holding it showcasing the blank cover its just perfect. But this picture only gets better when you add in the context. Before this photo-op there was reporting Trump had been brought to a bunker, which true or not made him look weak…meaning the President has to leap into action to protect the only important thing in this world…himself. “What will make me look strong??? Tweet “Law and Order” in all caps? No…I’ll show my strength by holding up the bible” “Great Idea Sir!” uttered a random yes man “I’ll go grab one” “No” The President shouts backs, “Let’s do it in front of a church. It’ll look better if I go to the Bible’s home”.

It’s even funnier because even an idiot like me knows it would’ve been so much easier for him to just walk outside and acknowledge the protesters or hell even walk among us common people to take the picture. That’s too crazy I know. Instead they went with the much more rational “clear out those crazy-haired vegans with tear gas/rubber bullets and take a picture holding a bible with your best tough guy face”.

Trump holding a bible is funny but is a pretty insignificant/normal Trump being Trump moment. Still there’s no way the Democrats can make themselves look worse during a nationwide protest over police brutality during a pandemic right? Well just when you think the Democrats couldn’t possible fuck-up worse, is when they shine their brightest….which brings us to the next contestant:

Democrats in Congress Kneeling

Kneeling for 8 minutes 46 seconds in solidarity with George Floyd isn’t a bad thing to do. If you’re doing it while while white and wearing kente cloth as a normal person you should probly get called out for trying a little too much. But to do that when you literally control 1/2 of Congress and there’s clearly mass support for systemic change is a new level of tonedeafness from Pelosi/Schumer and co. It’s frightening, yet not surprising, that Dems have no one to tell them, hey this might not be the best look, plus most of you struggle getting off the couch let alone off one knee after almost 9 minutes. Instead of kneeling hoe about just going and pass some real changes. But the plan from Democratic leadership seems to be “we’ll kneel and look good showing support and then pass small reforms and claim victory cause something’s better than nothing”.

Winner

This was already leaning one way, but once you see this bonus footage it’s clear why the Democrats lose this Battle of the Photo Ops.

As funny as seeing the Democrats kneel in kente cloth was (especially given how many have helped put together this system), seeing them trying to get up was even funnier. And as a prize for winning Battle of the Photo-ops the Demcorats win…….bonus bashing:

It’s so transparent the Democrats are all show no substance as always. They’ve been quick to come out and denounce the slogan “defund the police” while promoting reforms like banning chokeholds. Now banning chokeholds isn’t a terrible policy in theory…though the NY law did not stop officers from killing Eric Garner 6 YEARS AGO . Now whether you think defunding the police is a good or bad idea in theory is one thing. But coming after the phrase itself or saying it’s bad negotiating/ messaging is just plain wrong. Now I didn’t learn much in school about the government but one thing that was beaten into my head was if you’re in the Legislative branch (Congress, State, City council whatever) part of your job is controlling the budget… which entails funding/defunding things. So if you reject the language of “Defund the Police” (not the policy but just the idea) then you’re neutering the Legislature.

But typical Dem Leadership behavior…give up half your power/bargaining power before the negotiations even start.

Arrest Warrants Issued for NYT, ProPublica Reporters

The HILL: Liberty University President Jerry Falwell Jr. on Wednesday said that arrest warrants had been issued for reporters from The New York Times and ProPublica after both publications wrote stories criticizing his decision last month to partially reopen his Virginia-based college.

Photos of the arrest warrants for New York Times freelance photographer Julia Rendleman and ProPublica reporter Alec MacGillis were published on the website of conservative radio host Todd Starnes. The warrant alleges each committed misdemeanor trespassing on campus while gathering information for their respective stories.

Jerry Falwell is so stupid for doing this that it’s infuriating. Everyone knows that if you want a story buried, this is not the way to do it. Now every hack journalist is gonna write about Liberty to try and get an arrest warrant to pretend they’re a badass. This is gonna become the journo equivalent of IG models clout chasing by doing the latest “viral challenge”.

If Falwell really wanted to kill the story all he had to do was a little research. He could have started a worldwide religion and amassed billions of dollars (the Catholic Church model). That’s probably a little to tough for one man (who’s not the son of God), so he could have just donated a ton of money to politicians (the Weinstein model). Or if he really wanted to be effective he could’ve done that as well as gained some blackmail or some connection to the Royal Family (the Epstein model). Or if he was lazy, the simplest route is to become the old likable guy who’s losing his memory/motor functions in front of our eyes (the Joe Biden model).

All of these methods have been proven effective at burying/downplaying stories that should be talked about more. Now of course all these stories eventually come to light because of some idealist who thinks journalism today is about telling the truth and informing the public instead of currying favor and making money (millennials am i right?). But once the stories comes to light then you can start issuing arrest warrants (or hiring PR companies). But starting with that only gives journalists the attention they want/need to continue being employed in a dying industry.