Author: JP Newsman

Outside the Box VP Picks for Joe Biden

Now that Joe Biden is the only candidate left in the race for the Democrat nominee it’s time for him to pick a running mate and he’s already said he’ll pick a woman. His VP pick will be extra important because as an old man with dementia voters will look for a VP who almost certainly might have to assume the duties of Commander-in-Chief. While the talking heads have been throwing out names like Stacy Abrams, Kamala Harris or Elizabeth Warren as suggestions, I think Biden needs to go outside the box with his pick.. Here are some picks that have that IT-Factor Biden needs.

Gretchen Whitmer

The Michigan Governor has rose to national prominence recently for calling out President Trump and earning a nickname from him. Plus what better way to appeal to Bernie supporters than by having the daughter to the former CEO of Blue Cross Blue Shield as your VP.

Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin has already been a VP candidate so she knows the routine. She could help Biden really secure the moderate/Never-Trump vote. Plus she could bring some much needed energy to the campaign. What better way to bring much needed enthusiasm to the campaign than by having Palin open up every event perfoming 90s rap songs. #BidenPalin2020

Anita Hill

Anita Hill as the VP pick would bring a lot of positives to the Biden campaign. It could take away one angle of attack from Trump, it could help solidify the African American support and it would show that Biden has grown from his mistakes. What better way to make up for an apology that was decades too late than by nominating Hill as your VP.

Susan Sarandon

If you’re online, you know that Susan Sarandon is the most influential person on the left. I’ve been told that she is one of the biggest reasons Hillary lost. As Susan Sarandon says, the nation goes…..or something like that. Bringing the actress in as VP could really help Biden bring the party together by attracting the left. Only downside would be if a #BidenSarandon2020 ticket lost then the #Resist Twitter would only have Russia as an excuse.

Greta Thunberg

What better way to get young people excited about your campaign than to have the young climate change activist Greta Thungerg be your Vice President. Now I know some nerds in my mentions will talk about how she is too young or isn’t an American….blah, blah, blah. This current President has shown norms don’t mean shit, and people don’t care about them at all, so if Biden wants to win he should think about #BidenThunberg2020

Captain Marvel (Brie Larson)

Evidence has shown that nothing drives more turnout than by adding Marvel’s name to the ticket. Put her as VP and polling places across the country will be more packed. Plus what better way to hide substantive gender critiques with one big gesture than by bringing on Captain Marvel as VP.

Zoom Hires former Facebook Employee to Improve Security

https://uk.reuters.com/article/us-zoom-video-commn-privacy/zoom-hires-former-facebook-security-chief-to-beef-up-privacy-safety-idUKKBN21Q1TY?il=0

During this pandemic, Zoom has risen to national prominence with everyone working/taking classes from home. But like everything good on the Internet today, the other shoe quickly dropped. Thankfully Zoom doesn’t have any old tweets with slurs or #MeToo accusations (yet). Instead Zoom has received some backlash in the last few days over privacy concerns and connections to the Chinese government. So the company, wisely, hired a former employee of the one company synonymous with online privacy….Facebook.

In related news, President Trump has hired descendant of Genghis Khan to help finish the Wall, the NFL has brought in ex-XFL employees to help figure out how to keep the league going, USA Gymnastics has teamed up with the Catholic Church to help turn their brand around, and Democrats decided Joe Biden was their best option to beat Trump.

Somebody Please Help the Biden Team with Technology

A lot of people are noticing that Joe Biden hasn’t been seen or heard from much recently. You can really tell because everytime he emerges, he makes news…whether it’s calling voters fat, full of shit, or just wandering off camera. Now some provocateurs on the world wide web are speculating that his campaign is hiding him because he has dementia or is not all there mentally. But today Biden set the record straight by stating he is trying to figure out a way to answer questions on camera. “We’re in the the process of setting up the mechanisms by which we can do that….it’s above my paygrade” said the Presidential candidate.

This is where you the reader comes in. Below is a list of openings in the campaign specifically for their technology department. They desperately need help, so if you think you could help and would be a fit contact the Biden team immediately.

  • Technology Instructor: We need someone to explain a wide array of different technologies to the candidate. He can be forgetful and might need repetitive lessons. Start from explaining the Internet itself, to mobile phones, to videoconferencing/Skype/Facetime, to livestreaming. Someone with experience teaching children or people with learning disabilities preferred.
  • Anyone with a Phone/Computer: People forget that before South Carolina, the Biden team had virtually no money. Thankfully our SuperPAC is doing well but we still need supplies in order to livestream Joe. Anyone with a phone, laptop, tablet, desktop or just anything with a camera and Internet connectivity is needed immediately.
  • Graphic Designer/Deepfake Artist: Looking for someone with experience and a high level of skill with editing videos. Preferably someone who could make an older man look like he’s staying on the screen and sound like he’s not just spewing incoherent gibberish ……hypothetically of course. Please apply with samples of your work.

The Democratic Party is INCOMPETENT (Coronavirus Edition)

After trying unsuccessfully to take down Donald Trump for 4+ years, the Democrats are now trying to fuck up something that actually could do that. Across the spectrum people are calling out the inadequate response to the pandemic and the Trump Administration’s handling of it. But of course this means the Democratic party has to go out of its way to look even more incompetent.

Today there were 4 primaries scheduled to go on, but only 3 went forward after the Ohio Governor called off the elections. Now during this pandemic where schools, restaurants, bars, etc are being shut down and people are being told to self-quarantine or practice social distancing, what did the Democrats do? Of course DNC chair Tom Perez came forward and said the primaries will go on and its clear to everyone why. The DNC wants to cornonate Joe Biden asap so they can quarantine him until November (for a non-corona related illness). The result has been chaos where voting locations have just been closed with little to no notice, locations do not have the supplies they need, voting machines aren’t working, and worst of all there’s location after location with hour long waits. So not only are the Democrats disenfranchising anyone at risk for the virus (or anyone who is close to someone at risk) but anyone who actually did come out to vote might not be able to or might have to wait over an hour in line with hundreds of other people. I truly hope the turnout is embarrassingly low just to really delegitimize this whole charade.

What level of risk or danger does there have to be for the DNC to postpone these primaries? What if there were 2 pandemics going on? If there was raining acid like on Venus? What if people need to walk thru a room of alligators in order to vote, like the Nathan For You skit? (Must Watch if you haven’t seen it) Honestly at this point if there was an active shooter at every single polling location, I think the DNC would be telling people, “Stay safe, but go vote D so that person couldn’t get a gun”

It gets worse though as today it was reported that the DNC is threatening any state that wants to postpone their primary. That’s right the party that likes to pride itself on “protecting health-care” is threatening any state that wants to protect its people’s health. Just so stupid and morally bankrupt.

But the incompetence doesn’t stop there. The House passed a bill for paid sick leave…..except well it only covers about 20% of workers. The bill was so bad, Republicans were coming out and saying it doesn’t do enough. Senate Republicans like Mitt Romney have come out for giving people $1,000 each. Meanwhile Democratic Senators are arguing for means testing on Twitter while some (Kamala Harris) are trying to plug their own plans that would give people less.

I don’t expect much from the Democratic Party these days but even I’m shocked that they are letting the Republicans run to the left of them on this. They should be going out trying to get as much money into people’s pockets as they can, giving additional help to business owners, and pushing for a stop on things like student loan payments, evictions, credit reporting, hell maybe even mortgage/rent/utility payments. Even in a crisis, the Democrats can not think big. It’s truly shameful.

Small business owners have to close down but still need to pay workers, rent, utilites, etc. People are being laid off or fired but still have bills to pay. Half of the country lives pay check to pay check and now those pay checks may be on hold…but their bills certainly aren’t. Get your shit together and start helping people.

If this incompetence is a look into the future of the Democratic Party, then we may be witnessing a massive political restructuring. The Democrats seem to be chasing suburban, and #NeverTrump voters while Republicans are advocating for having the government do more to help people.

So once again, Fuck the Democratic Party, Fuck Nancy Pelosi, Fuck Chuck Schumer, Fuck Tom Perez. But remember…no matter how shitty the Democrats are, no matter how incompetent they are, no matter how much they look down on you, no matter how little they try to get your vote….. you must… vOtE bLuE nO mAtTeR wHo…..*chugs all the bleach I stocked up on*

Top 5 picks for Biden’s VP

After the debate last night, the big takeaway has been on Biden announcing he will have a woman as Vice President. No need to focus on the substance of the debate or on how Biden lied every-time his record was brought up. Like the people on cable TV have so smartly pointed out, why focus on the past when Biden says he supports fixing all the damage his votes have done. Just like the old proverb says, “Action is cheap, talking points are all that matters”.

Back to the important news, this pick will allow Biden to possibly unite the party with a progressive or by appealing to Republicans by picking another moderate or even a Republican. Instead of listing the obvious choices like Kamala Harris, Stacey Abrams, or Elizabeth Warren, I’ll name some outside the box choices that no ones talking about.

Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin has already been a VP candidate so she knows the routine. She could help Biden really secure the moderate/Never-Trump vote. Plus she could bring some much needed energy to the campaign. What better way to attract suburban women and African American voters than by having your VP campaign across the country performing old-school rap songs. Fuck the Green New Deal, Sarah brings all the clean electricity this country needs. #BidenPalin2020

Anita Hill

Anita Hill as the VP pick would bring a lot of positives to the Biden campaign. It could take away one angle of attack from Trump, it could help solidify the African American support and it would show that Biden has grown from his mistakes. What better way to make up for an apology that was decades too late than by nominating Hill to be VP.

Susan Sarandon

If you’re online, you know that Susan Sarandon is the most influential person on the left. I’ve been told that she is one of the biggest reasons Hillary lost. As Susan Sarandon says, the nation goes…..or something like that. Bringing the actress in as VP could really help Biden bring the party together by attracting the left. Only downside would be if a #BidenSarandon2020 ticket lost then the #Resist Twitter would be down to Russia as its only excuse.

Greta Thunberg

What better way to get young people excited about your campaign than to have the young climate change activist Greta Thungerg be your Vice President. Now I know some nerds in my mentions will talk about how she is too young or isn’t an American….blah, blah, blah. This current President has shown norms don’t mean shit, so if Biden wants to win he should think about #BidenThunberg2020

Captain Marvel (Brie Larson)

There’s no better way to drive up turnout than by adding Marvel’s name to the ticket. Put her as VP polling places across the country will look like Comic-Con. Plus what better way to hide substantive gender critiques with one big gesture than by bringing on Captain Marvel.

Honorable Mentions:

  • Hillary Clinton (Why not?)
  • Meghan Markle (Good way to cuck Engalnd)
  • Aunt Jemima (Self-Explanatory)
  • Kim Kardashian (Better Criminal Justice Record than Biden)
  • Casey Anthony (Would make Joe look better by comparison)

Debate Recap: Did Bernie do Enough?

Going into this debate, Bernie needed a paradigm shift in the race and he went for it. After about 30 mins of coronavirus talk, Bernie went hard after Biden over social security, the bankruptcy bill, SuperPACs and just overall leadership needed to take tough votes. That was the angle he needed to take, he might’ve needed to say the words “electability” more but it seems like he could’ve done enough but the true test, sadly, will be the media reaction. Do their narratives change? Do they talk about how much Biden lied all night long? Do they talk bout how bad Joe Biden looks?

Biden didn’t have a terrible night but he still looks lost out there at times and looks nowhere near the level needed to take on Trump. Both of them had senior moments but the biggest takeaway was every time he was called out, Biden lied. He said over and over that he didn’t advocate cutting Social Security, even though he admitted it in his answers. He lied about writing the bankruptcy bill, he lied about his voting record, lied about the Iraq War, he lied about Bernie having 9 SuperPACs said “I can name them if you want” and then did not when given the opportunity.

If a lot of people watched this debate, it could help Bernie but the biggest thing might be which clips and talking points the media goes with. They should focus on their contrasting records, visions of the future, and Biden lying nonstop when facing criticism. If they talk about their usual bulshit, then it might not be enough for Sanders.

While on the topic of the media, they were a couple of crazy bad questions as usual. During the Social Security discussion Dana Bash came in and asked Bernie about something in 1996 Bernie said about “adjustments” and whether that makes him and Biden equal on the issue. Not only is this a prime example of the “both sides-ism” that is rotting the media where 1 action/quote = pattern of action, but it was also incredibly misleading. The adjustments she referenced was Bernie saying the cap on income should be lifted so rich people paid more. Just so bad but sadly not shockingly.

There was also a questions about “What consequences should China face for downplaying the virus”. Now any non-sociopath would assume the tens and hundreds of thousands of Chinese people dead, sick, or who lost loved ones would be punishment enough but apparently not enough for CNN.

Overall Bernie went hard after Biden in a way he needed to. Now the only questions left are will the media accurately describe what happened and will it get him voters.

Debate Preview: Bernie v Biden 1on1

Tonight is the first debate to take place since South Carolina which is no less than 3 months ago, I don’t care what my calendar tells me. Between then and now, Joe Biden got 2 people, who had done better than him up to that point, to drop out and endorse him. He then won big on Super Tuesday and then Tuesday after that. Is the race over? No. It’s basically halftime with neither Biden or Bernie having 1/2 of the delegates needed. Is it close to over? Yes. Bernie drastically needs to change the narrative that Biden is the electable choice which is driving so many voters.

Now he has 2 things working for him, about 1/3 of the voters in the last 2 weeks have said they made up their minds in the days before voting. Second he’s running against Joe Biden. This is a guy who was prone to gaffes *before* his clear cognitive decline. This campaign he has sucked on his wife’s finger on stage, called a voter fat, told another one he was full of shit, made up a story about getting arrested seeing Nelson Mandela, tells voters all the time to just vote for someone else, hands out cheat sheets to reporters instead of answering questions and wandered off camera in his first virtual townhall (and that’s all just off the top of my head).

The only framing for this race so far should be age. Bernie is crushing voters under 45 and doing better the younger you go while Biden is cleaning up on 45+ voters, doing better the older you go. Biden has been winning because older people vote more. Going forward it’s simple if he’s gonna win he’s got to appeal to the future of the party, something he has yet to shown the ability to do. Meanwhile Bernie has got to convince older people he’s more electable to have a chance.

2 Biggest Things to Watch for Tonight:

  • Bernie in Attack Mode? Bernie needs to come out scorched Earth to change the narrative on the race. He needs to expose Biden as unelectable by bringing up Iraq, Trade, Social Security, basically Biden’s entire record. He needs to distinguish their records and explain clearly why Biden’s record makes him less electable.
  • Does Biden Look like a Functioning Human? This could help Bernie more than anything he says or does. The bar for Biden’s performances has been borderline underground so far but with only 2 people on the stage, if Biden looks like what he’s looked like in the limited time allowed outside, that could change the narrative.

There’s a reason people saw Biden for over a year and his numbers steadily dropped until South Carolina. People have jumped on board because he’s been given the coveted “electable” tag that the Democratic base has been conditioned into obsessing over.

Tonight might be the last chance for Bernie to change the narrative. He needs to expose Biden over electability over and over. Connect every question/issue back to it. He also just needs Biden to have a typical Biden night. If Biden can keep himself together, keep his teeth in his mouth, combine sentences in a semi-intelligible way and not wander off screen, he might have the momentum needed to carry him over the line.

MythBustin Episode 1: Joe Biden as Electable

Welcome to the new (and possibly recurring series) MythBusting where we’ll look at some myths that the media treats as fact. The first is Joe Biden as electable. The Democratic Primary voters are so concerned with beating Trump that electability is their #1 concern. Due to some combination of the media’s constant Biden=electable, Bernie=unelectable narratives or the decades long conditioning to make the Democratic base scared to have actual opinions or support left wing candidates but instead support people who only talk of hope, freedom, choice and more meaningless bullshit while trying to thread the needle of not being an actual Republican but also not too far left either.

So Biden is the person who has gotten most of the “electability” vote which makes no logical sense if you haven’t been brainwashed. In 2016 the Democrats elected the safe electable candidate who was a moderate with a bad record on trade, foreign policy, with questions over corruption. Now they’re gonna do the same thing with Biden who won’t have to deal with sexism but might have dementia.

I just don’t understand how people can go through 2016 and still think Biden is the electable one. There is a reason people didn’t coalesce around Biden for over a year when he was called a frontrunner. They only got on when he was the only one capable to stop Bernie. IF Biden is the nominee Trump will once again run to the Democrat’s left on trade and foreign policy and he’ll hammer Biden over social security. He will be ruthless on Hunter Biden, which Joe hasn’t shown he can adequately deal with yet. Yes he can call out Trump’s kids but it doesn’t hit the same when you’re running as the values/morality candidate while Trump clearly isn’t. Plus there’s the cognitive decline that has been on full display. In debates he struggles to form coherent thoughts, his campaign tries to hide him as best they can, he spoke for only 7 mins at his Missouri rally this week. I mean just look at him in 2018 vs now

Biden would be a electoral nightmare not only because of all his baggage, and his clear cognitive decline but also because of his ability to win over the left. Every time a voter questions him, he tells them to vote for someone else, calls them fat, or liars. He just won’t inspire the left or young voters at all. His whole strategy will be anti-Trump returned to Obama years normalcy. That messaged fell flat for Clinton and it will likely do the same for Biden.

I can’t wait for all the idiot talking heads in the media who are talking about Biden being the only electable one, to be shocked when Biden loses and blame it all on Bernie once again.

Myth: Joe Biden is the electable Candidate BUSTED

Biden v Bernie Preview

The Democratic Primary is officially down to a 2 person race. Biden was able to make it that way with a strong performance on Super Tuesday. He is up in delegates right now but with California’s votes still being counted, it could virtually tie up when those delegates come in.

Today 6 states vote, Mississippi, Missouri, North Dakota, Idaho, Washington, and Michigan. Look for Biden to win Mississippi but also whether Bernie hits the 15% needed to get delegates. Missouri was a toss-up in 2016 but it could be Biden’s to lose this time. North Dakota and Idaho….well don’t really matter unless they’re blowouts then they would marginally matter. Washington should be a place where Bernie wins and if he loses there it is not a good sign for his campaign. But all eyes will be on the battleground of Michigan. Sanders was able to pull off the upset in 2016 and will need another win there today. Whoever wins Michigan, even a small win, will get a boost to their electability argument that is so important.

If you listen to the mainstream media, they talk about Biden being electable and Bernie being unelectable as if they’re facts beyond debate. It makes me feel like I’m taking crazy pills. Joe Biden would go into the general with all the same baggage Hillary had in 2016. Just replace emails/Benghazi with Hunter Biden/Ukraine, take out the sexism, and sprinkle on some dementia.

I just don’t understand how people can go through 2016 and still think Biden is the electable one. There is a reason people didn’t coalesce around Biden for over a year when he was called a frontrunner. They only got on when he was the only one possible to stop Bernie. Trump will once again run to the Democrat’s left on trade and foreign policy and he’ll hammer Biden over social security. He will be ruthless on Hunter Biden, which Joe hasn’t shown he can adequately deal with. Yes he can call out Trump’s kids but it doesn’t hit the same when you’re running as the values/morality candidate while Trump clearly isn’t. Plus there’s the cognitive decline that has been on full display. In debates he struggles to form coherent thoughts, his campaign tries to hide him as best they can, he spoke for only 7 mins at his Missouri rally this week. I mean just look at him in 2018 vs now

The “Any Functioning Adult 2020” people will have a tough choice if Biden is the nominee

Biden would be a electoral nightmare not only because of all his baggage, and his clear cognitive decline but also because of his ability to win over the left. Every time a voter questions him, he tells them to vote for someone else, calls them fat, or liars. In an interview last night he suggested he would veto Medicare for All if it passed Congress. He does not inspire the left or young people at all.

Say what you want about Trump, but he undeniably has a movement and I don’t see how you beat him without a movement. Bernie Sanders has a movement and Joe Biden does not. It seems the only way Biden would win would be a huge anti-Trump movement presumably if the coronavirus gets worse or if the economy flounders. But if that doesn’t happen, I can’t wait for all the idiot talking heads in the media who are talking about Biden being the only electable one, to be shocked when Biden loses and blame it all on Bernie once again.

Previewing the Bernie vs Biden Race

After an impressive Super Tuesday performance, Joe Biden has now officially made it into a 2 person race. After California is all counted it’ll likely be close to a tie in the delegate race.

Bernie’s coalition so far has been young people, working class, and Latinos while Biden has been strong with older voters and African-Americans. The media narrative has been that Biden is the most electable but that just has never made any sense. I mean just look at this chart and explain how Biden won’t get hammered by Trump

Biden has all the weaknesses that Clinton had in 2016 and even though he is generally more well liked than Hillary, Biden lack of articulation should equal that out. Meanwhile the “unelectable” Sanders consistently is considered the most trusted on issues by the voters. Plus in every states that’s had exit polls has found positive support for a Single Payer healthcare system (even if deep red states that Biden won like SC, Alabama, Oklahoma, Texas).

Bernie Sanders has the energy plus an actual grassroots movement while Biden does not. Biden has the support of the democratic establishment and the media. On a debate stage though Biden will likely be exposed with nowhere to hide as it’ll just be him and Bernie. The thing that Biden does have going for him is that the Democratic base seems to have been conditioned over the years to be safe and scared especially this year when everyone is paralyzed trying to find the best bet to beat Trump. Bernie clearly has the movement, the future of the party, and ideas behind him but Biden might have enough establishment support plus fear over “electability” to push him over the edge.

The next states to vote are Idaho, North Dakota, Washington, Michigan, Missouri, & Mississippi on Tuesday March 10th.

You’d expect Biden to win Mississippi as he’s been strong in the South. He could win Missouri if he can dominate the black vote in places like St. Louis and Kansas City. Bernie tied Missouri in 2016 but he’ll need a big turnout of young voters and to bring back all the rural voters he got last time to win again.

Washington should be a place where Bernie wins but he’ll need to open up a decent size lead to pick up significant delegates over Biden there. Bernie won overwhelmingly in Idaho and North Dakota in 2016 and he’ll need to do that again though neither states has many delegates.

The biggest prize on this day though will be Michigan. Whoever wins this state will have a much stronger case on electability. Bernie got an upset win here in 2016 but he’ll need to get more black voters than he’s gotten in the South to vote for him in Michigan. He should go after Biden hard on Trade but Biden will have the auto bailout to tout. Whoever wins Michigan will get a lot of positive coverage along with an “he’s electable” bump.

This race is far from over and either of them will have to go on a real run to reach 51% of the delegates. If they don’t one of the them will need to reach 40% and have a 5% or so lead to really be the obvious choice at the convention.